Hair Rehab: 6 month check in

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 I said it six months ago and I’ll say it again. “The best thing for me was to cut my transitioning hair, so I can fully embrace my natural curly locs.”
The past six months has been an adventure, though. Days of me admiring @thecutlife IG page, begging my hair stylist for some creamy crack. S|O to Ash for refusing to be my dealer! I had to seek out as many natural hair pages I could find, but this time, not for wishes of being like them, instead as motivation to be like me. I embraced my natural hair for about 2 days after the big chop and then I braided it up into box braids. It’s a protective style, I told myself, but the reality was I was protecting my comfort. My hair held so much value to me, I didn’t even know of. When I finally took those braids out and gained enough courage to rock my fro, the compliments rolled in. I must admit, I was feeling myself. My smile got bigger, my strut gained power and my conversations with myself in the mirror was affirming. By May, I had no problem going outside with the hair that grew from my scalp. Whether it was a wash & go, 2 strand twist or perm-rod curls. I was doing the damn thang! I finagled with products, trying to see what works best for me. (Coconut Oil and I have become really good friends.) I talked to strangers about their natural hair journey and the products they used. It’s amazing how many women I run into with natural hair, but it’s not a journey for them. It’s life! Most of these women have never been close to a box relaxer and the thought never escaped their psyche. That’s very powerful! I’ve incorporated protective styles into the mix, but it was solely for protection of my hair or if I wanted a different look. I’m no longer hiding my hair, just putting it away for a few weeks at a time. 
Now, let’s talk about this growth! I can’t believe it, it’s shocking that I have a little puff ponytail after 6 months! My hang time is poppin’. I kinda kick myself thinking I’ve should’ve done this sooner, all those curly sew-ins I use to install and I had all the curls I needed underneath. I’ll continue to play with different styles and methods to see what I can achieve. The picture above was my attempt at Zulu Knots. Not perfect, but it’ll work today, because I have to work! 

Oh wait! Don’t forget wash days! Lovely long wash days! I guess that’s my Me Time, because I need wine, strength and a lot of reinforcements to get through them 
It’s a work in progress, but I’m up for the challenge! 

Tell Her 

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I wonder what you’ll tell your next girl about me

Will you tell her all my secrets, you pinky promised to keep 

Cross your heart & hope to die

Stick a needle into my heart

Will you tell her how you played me like a fiddle

Fingering my strings

Creating an emotional masterpiece

As I cried a melodic ocean of tears 

Will you tell her you loved me, but we grew apart

Will you downplay my innocence

Will you tell her I fought like crazy to keep you satisfied

But it wasn’t enough to fulfill your needs

Your appetite was bigger, than my heart

Will you tell her that I loved you, despite all I been through

Will you tell her, I trusted you, even when I shouldn’t have

Will you tell her I gave you hall passes & that’s the reason you’re speaking to her about me 

Will you tell her, you got Mommy issues

& that no maternal instinct can cure a grown ass boy

Will you tell her the truth or comfort her with a lie, because that’s where you’re comfortable 

Will you sit across from her at the dinner table, staring in her eyes

Feeding her bullshit, after bullshit, until she’s full of bullshit she believes is fine dining

Will you caress her left hand & stroke her fourth finger, talkin’ ‘bout “putting a ring on it”

Will you watch her cheeks turn red as she forms a smile, butterflies filling her belly disguising warning signs. 

Will you tell her, she was once I & I was once she 

The she before me

The she who broke your heart into a million pieces, that my love couldn’t fix

Because once your heart was back whole, the pain seeped through the glued cracks. 

You ignored it, I ignored it, she will ignore it 

You’ll spend the rest of your life telling your next about me, about her, about she

What about you? 

Will you tell them you’re scared, afraid & broken

Will you confess that your unsure of love because there’s no self-love

Will you admit you got trust issues because you can’t be trusted 

Will you plead for situationships because commitment is your kryptonite 

You’re afraid to feel, so you make sure they feel every painful emotion a woman can feel

Will you realize your numb

Will you tell her about me? 

Fall Shit 

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Fall has always been my favorite season. The weather is perfect. Not too hot, not too cold. Hocus Pocus comes on everyday! I get to eat as many donuts & drink as many glasses of Apple Cider as I want! Hayrides, pumpkin patch farms! The leaves change colors & fall…along with me. I Force happiness unto myself, for the fear of being asked “What’s wrong?” Because in all actuality, I don’t have the answer. I know it’s coming though. I’m counting down the days until I’m crying for no reason at all (tears are flowing now). I’m counting down the days until the people who are closest to me start to fade away. I’ve realized it’s not them who are leaving, but it’s me who are pushing them out. Yes! I recognize it, so you may think “why don’t you stop it? I can’t. I simply can’t. I try. I try harder. I try again, but it’s a repeated cycle that must comes after the sun setting early in the day. Brisk air slapping my face, freezing my tears in the center of my cheeks. They’re noticeable enough for some one to ask “What’s wrong?” But when your so strong the rest of the time, they believe you when you say “nothing.” I believe me, because nothing is wrong. Everything is. Every good thing in my life becomes a nuisance. My annoyance level is little to none based off circumstances I created. There’s a curse in having an imagination, you began to believe it. So I pray. Then, I began to question who I’m talking to. I question if my blessings where actually luck. Damn, that could be the devil talking. It could be the sleepless nights, tossing & turning the dreams that I’ve made a reality. I remain silent. God forbid, I express these feelings & be labels a wierdo. It’s one of those things that is hard to explain even though you’ve explained the best you could. I justify it with being misunderstood. I brush it off, sweep it up under the rug until the build up is too high, that I can’t see straight. So high that no one can come in, because they’re tired of digging into a bottomless pit. But if they knew how empty it was they’d try a bit harder. They’d push pass the baggage & see me. They will hold me closer in silence. They won’t ask me to explain, they won’t tell me it’ll be alright. They’ll just hold me tight, in silence. Letting my tears soak their chest as I spill over on them. I promise my problems won’t become your burden, I own them. Each night I fall asleep, thinking it’s another day until I meet the sunshine. And when the sunshine comes, you’ll get an apology. It’ll be sincere, but you’ve heard a million times before. It’ll be somewhere on the lines of, “I’m sorry you have to deal with my mood swings. I’m sorry I didn’t answer your call or return your message. I’m sorry you’re forced to be patient with me. Thank you for loving me.” It’ll be up to you to stay, I accept the responsibility. I’m prepared to have a smaller circle. Next Fall I’ll dwell on the one before. 

Life is not a Fairy Tale

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Ever since I was a kid I would always plan out my life. Disney was very popular in both households, so of course I was going to live this fairy tale life; happily ever after. I was going to become a entrepreneur/teacher/lawyer/doctor/nurse/interior decorator/writer, marry a successful man (tall, dark & handsome), have 10 babies! Yup! TEN! We’d live in this huge mansion, surrounded by a white picket fence. Mommy would never let me get a dog, no matter how many times I put it on my Christmas list, so I was going to get my babies a dog! Shoot maybe even two. As long as I had my King, my 10 Bebe’s kids, my white picket fence, and enough room for them to run around with the dogs! I’d be happy! But, Walt Disney did not write nor direct my life. I’ve learned, the hard way, that life was not a fairy tale. I’ve also learned that life does not always go as planned. Don’t get me wrong, It is very important to set goals & put plans in motions to achieve those goals, but you must be prepared for the, not so straight & narrow.

Currently I am a Registered Nurse, an author & business owner (CEO of Press 3 Seventeen publishing) I am NOT married, and I have 1 baby! & before you ask, I do not plan to have 9 more. Maybe two! Lol. We do not live in a mansion, and probably never well, because who’s going to keep that huge house clean?! Not me! Because I got things to do! My life is nothing like I planned it to be when I was a little girl, I knew nothing about life. I didn’t know the battles I’d face, the tears I’d shed, or the amount of times I wanted to give up! But, I will not complain, because everyday I squeeze my lemons, to make orange juice! Everyday I look at the things I have versus the things I don’t. I listen to music to calm my spirit. I surround myself with good people, who appreciate me, understand my bitchy spells & still love me.

No matter how I think my life should have been, it is what it is. And to have life is enough to be grateful for.

Book Reviews

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People come up to me all the time & tell me how much they love my debut novel Planez! They refer their friends to purchase their own copy! They hassle me to release a sequel (Coming Fall 2017). All of these things a great! It warms my heart, but I’m looking for these same enthusiastics to leave a review on Amazon. (Thank You for those who already did). I’ve decided to begin start a giveaway for those who left a review with a nice treat for you at the end! Follow your instructions below!
1. Read Planez (if you haven’t read click the Shop link to purchase)
2. Leave a HONEST review on Amazon.com
3. Screenshot your review & attach to an email to pressthreeseventeen@gmail.com SUBJECT: Book Review Giveaway
4. Receive $3 off Planez II (Coming Fall ’17)

 

Thank You! 🖤

I am a WRITER

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When I released Planez in August of 2016, I had quite a few people come to me and say they were inspired! These folks have been wanting to write a book for a while & had no idea where to go or what to do. My response was “you have to WRITE! Before anything you have to get your thoughts on paper!”

So, I’ve created a journal to help get your creative juices flowing. Inside there are 9 modules, to give you that extra push. This is not a journal to teach you how to write nor how to get publish. But what it is, is a journal to kick start your dreams!

I AM A Writer, brings out the writer in you! There is no such thing as wanting to be a writer! You already are!

Journals available in 5 different colors: Green, Blue, Yellow, Gray, Ivory. (Please specify in the note section) $20 each.

To purchase click link below: PayPal.me/press3seventeen/20

Writer’s Block

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When I need to write the most, is when I tend to write the least. What happens is, my mind moves faster than my fingers are able to write, so my words get lost. The words can’t find the paper, but they crowd in my head. They fight for a chance to be spilled into another blog, or novel, or even find a place in my private diary. These words keep me up at night; phrases, sentences, song lyrics. It’s not until I jot , down a little something that I am able to sleep. But my dreams are then filled with the words I was unable to fully release. So I wake up in the morning with the intent to write some more, but then reality hits. I have to get ready for work & my son up for school. I’m busy all day, the words again trapped. I don’t have the time to coordinate them together so I store them for a later time. You see my mind is full it needs to be emptied, but instead I stash them away some more. This is dangerous! It’s not dangerous because there are words in my head, but dangerous because more things start happening. Bad things that I can’t control like heartbreak, things like pain, things like frustration, things that gives me a bad vibe. And this is the best time to let them out. This is the time where I need to release, because if I keep these dangerous feelings inside, it’s not healthy for me or the people around me. My mind is on back order, you see I still have those happy thoughts and those dreams and those phrases and those song lyrics and those quotes. So how can I dig into that pain letting it bleed onto paper? And how can I write about this heartbreak, trying to mend the pieces back together? How can I let go of all these damn feelings, when they’re fighting me to choose? The only answer I know is to write, but the solution is also the problem.

“Writer’s block is not the problem. The problem is not writing.”